DO MEN REALLY CARE ABOUT…..?

1)  Is it a turn off if a woman is an open book about her past/present intimate life?

2) If a woman makes more money than you?

3)  If a woman reaches her climax?

4)  Whether she’s younger or older than you?

5)  Does cellulite on a woman’s butt and thighs bother you?

6)  If a woman decides to abstain from sex until marriage?

7)  What determines if a woman is “good” in bed or not?

8)  Are you turned off by pudgy belly’s?

9)  Do stretch marks and c-section scars bother you?

10)  Does it bother you if a woman, truly into sports, wants to watch the game with you and the fellas?

I’m going to stop here and we’ll continue later with Part 2. 

Fellas it would be nice to get some real honest answers here. Let’s get the doors to communication and awareness open.

For some this day is bitter and for some this day is sweet, for others it may be bitter-sweet but I say look at it from the view of positivity.  It’s all about love and where does love begin? It begins with self.  So if you can’t be with the one you love then love the one you’re with.  If that one you’re with just happens to be only you then guess what….LOVE ON YOU!

If we can’t first love ourselves how can we begin to love anyone else? Do something nice for you today!

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY EVERYONE

Brain chemicals released when a person falls in love come from 12 parts of the brain — all releasing euphoria-inducing chemicals that create the same euphoric feeling as cocaine, U.S. researchers say.Stephanie Ortigue of Syracuse University and colleagues worldwide conducted a meta-analysis that finds falling in love can take one-fifth of a second and then the brain starts to release euphoria-inducing chemicals such as dopamine, oxytocin, adrenaline and vasopressin, but the heart is involved as well.

“I would say the brain, but the heart is also related because the complex concept of love is formed by both bottom-up and top-down processes from the brain to the heart and vice versa,” Ortigue says in a statement.

The analysis shows different parts of the brain are involved in love. For example, the unconditional love between a mother and a child include the middle of the brain, but passionate love is sparked by the reward part of the brain.

The meta-analysis also finds blood levels of nerve growth factor also increased when falling in love. This molecule plays an important role in the social chemistry of humans, or the phenomenon of “love at first sight,” Ortigue says.

Conversely, when love goes wrong, it can cause significant emotional stress and depression.

The findings are published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine.

Posted by Eric Lander in ThirdAge.com

Just recently I was talking to a friend of mine who is going through a difficult break up. As we all know, this is a very difficult thing to deal with. Some people say that the break up of a relationship, or a divorce is equivalent to the death of a loved one. I don’t know about that, but I do know that it is hard as HELL and it’s definitely not easy. But is it right to continue to make your soon to be ex lover miserable simply because you don’t want the relationship to end. I say NO…..sometimes respecting the other persons wishes and accepting the break up may be good for both of you. Because, who wants to be with someone that doesn’t want to be with you. I guess what I’m getting at is, the way you respond to adversity in your life explains a lot about your character. If you are one of those people who continues to call your ex when they no longer want to communicate with you, send nasty text messages, lie to them and lie about them to others…..well you may very well be the reason why this person no longer wants you in their life. I realize it’s difficult to face our own character flaws but self evaluation is necessary for all of us, otherwise how do we correct our mistakes and become better individuals.  Everyday of our lives we all face challenges, some of us play the victim….my friend Yvonne calls it the “Woe is me” factor.  C’mon….Really!!!  Everyone is not out to get you.  Realistically speaking, most people are not giving you that much thought or energy.  GET OVER YOURSELF.  Take a yoga class, start exercising read a book.  Whatever it takes to distract you from the negative space….DO IT.  Now I understand that life is hard sometimes and we all make mistakes but we have to be truthful to ourselves and take on life’s trials and tribulations like the positive, successful adults that we are.  ADVERSITY…….how will you handle it going forward?

So I was dating a guy in 05 and we had come to the conclusion to just be friends with benefits because of pressing circumstances in both of our lives. Eventually in 08 I decided I was over it and moved on.  I dated other ppl he was a distance memory. Now after 3 yrs he’s back. So I told him I have no time for games and I want to be in a committed relationship with whom ever im giving it up to  because for one, im getting older and two I have other things to preoccupy my time and energy with. Since then he has truly been making an effort towards what im not sure of. I have a major problem with gettn bored easily with relationships and im trying to correct it.  Im having a good time with him but at the same time I knw that my attention span is limited and eventually im not gonna be interested anymore. How can I keep me interest with him with out being clingy?

Yes, in dating, most of the time what you see is what you get. You may like most of what you see and try to change the rest, but a person is who they are, understand.

Does that mean that they will never change, well I hope that is not the case. Everyone should strive to change for the better. But the reality of life is that some people never change. With that being said, if there are things about the person that you are currently dating or will date that you can not, will not, and shall not tolerate in a long-term marriage, you should just walk away and not look back. Now lets say that person changes, well if you deem them worth it go and give it another go! And if you think the person can change while still being in a relationship with you, then give that a go as well. But if after a year has passed and the behaviors remain I’d say bounce up out of there and move on. See the reason marriage gets a bad rap so much by negative people is because they marry people who they don’t really like or enjoy. Then they complain to any and everyone about that persons issues. If you married a guy that smokes and always likes to hang out late with his buddies why complain so much when you knew what you were getting?

There are cases where people change after marriage for the worst and in that case I say stand up for what you believe! Don’t tolerate mess! But what I’m referring to in this post isn’t that type of situation. People fall in love and then they stick around long enough to see a persons flaws. The flaws are deal breakers in their eyes, yet they don’t allow the flaws to break the deal. For the sake of “love” they stay and argue, cry, and complain, attempting to make the person change. Not wise, people change when they are ready to change, not because you try to make them. Here’s my philosophy in a nut shell: If the hang ups you have with a person isn’t something you can put up with forever, walk away and move on to another flawed human that you can put up with. Back when I was available to date if I was hit on by a smoker he didn’t even get my phone number because that was something I didn’t want to deal with in a marriage. Who ever he was could have stopped smoking, that was possible, but it was also possible that he could have struggled with it for years and smoked around our children. Not worth the risk for me! Ok, that about raps it up! I hope you get it and got it, if so then good!

Post written by The Relationship Stuff via Don’t Date That.

Dear South Carolina, It Doesn’t Take a Ring to be a Victim of Abuse

South Carolina has one the highest rates of domestic violence. In fact, it’s ranked seventh in the nation in terms of the number of women killed by men. More than 36,000 victims around the state report a domestic violence incident to law enforcement agencies annually, and last year more than 40 domestic violence victims were killed.

What gives? Perhaps the fact that 60 percent of relationship violence victims are not protected by domestic violence laws because they aren’t married or don’t live with their abusive partner. South Carolina is 1 of 8 states that only lets married or live-in couples seek orders of protection. On Wednesday, a house subcommittee heard testimony on legislation calling for an expansion of domestic violence laws in the state that would include dating couples so as to allow these victims to seek orders of protection from family court and judges to order abusive partners to attend a batterer treatment program, but the bill is receiving some push back.

As Rebecca Williams-Agee points out, getting an order of protection is better for dating violence than a regular restraining order because it acknowledges that violence has already occurred and that each subsequent incident has a higher chance of being lethal.

“If the victim has that order of protection on them, immediately showing that to police immediately takes that person to jail…. We like to think that increases their safety because it allows for that more immediate response.”

Concerns have been raised about who would enforce these stipulations because parties don’t come back to court unless an order of protection is violated, but Williams-Agee says that’s one of the advantages of the order—abusers don’t have further contact with the victim.

In a nation where single, un-married people are soon expected to become the majority in society, South Carolina and like-minded states would serve themselves well to get on board now. Considering how difficult it is for individuals to come forward about domestic abuse, the idea that they won’t receive protection when doing so compromises victims’ safety and could even lead to their death.

The state isn’t just behind in their thinking in terms of un-married couples, it also leaves minors and homosexuals without protection. A controversial section that would have allowed parents to file for orders of protective custody on behalf of minors was already taken out of the bill, but Williams-Agee and the South Carolina Coalition Against Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault (SCCADVASA) say they plan to fight for that change down the line considering the increase in violence perpetrated against women between the ages of 16 to 24. As difficult as it is for adult women to admit to being physically abused, there’s no telling the impact allowing parents to request orders of protection on behalf of their children could have on reducing repeat offences, not to mention the effect of battery treatment classes at an early age.

SCCADVASA and LGBTQ civil rights group South Carolina Equality also plan to oppose the bill if it doesn’t change its limited definition of a dating relationship as one that is only between a man and a woman. That stipulation leaves 120,000 South Carolinians unprotected and these organizations say gay couples have just as much a chance of being in abusive relationships as straight ones.

It seems South Carolina has been stuck in a very narrow-minded definition of abuse that its residents have suffered for, as evidence by their domestic violence ranking. If they want to keep themselves from becoming first in the nation in terms of violent abuse in relationships, they better consider expanding their legal criteria on this issue. Williams-Agee sums up the issue perfectly when she says, “the dynamics and the consequences of those kinds of relationships are the same whether you’re married or not [and] whether you’re living together or not.”

What do you think of South Carolina’s laws on domestic violence?  Do you think parents should be allowed to request orders of protection on behalf of minors?

Birds Of A Feather: Can You Be Friends With A Hoe?

Courtesy of VIBE Vixen

It’s said that birds of a feather flock together, but that’s not always true. Trust! I’ve seen pristine girls with the messiest of hoes and still maintain a respectable rep. Believe it or not, hoes and regular girls are usually doing the same things in the dark. Whether she treats her box like the holy grail or a rental space for multiple occupants, it’s no one’s business. How that information is spread is the distinguishing factor between the two sets of women.

Outside of that, can a real friendship develop between the lady and the tramp? Absolutely. And I stand behind that 100%. I know several girls from both groups that are funny, polite, nice, supportive and embody all the other traits needed to be a great friend; they just get messy when it comes to the bedroom games. Do they get judged for that? Cast aside like a leper? (Okay, I’m reaching.) But you see, the friendship must be created strategically. There are rules that must be followed, and here they are (from a good girl of course)!

Pay attention…

1. Never compromise your personal morals.
Just like in a “regular” friendship, you should never lose sight of what you believe in and the rules you live by. So if your hoe friend would rather dip off from a party with a gang of seedy men from a sports team, you grab your purse and get yourself home. Grown women make their own decisions, and you’re free to not tag along. It’s all about the image you want out there.

2. Always give a truthful opinion.
Don’t bullshit your hoe friend just because she’s, well… a hoe. If she’s sleeping with a married man, tell her she’s wrong. Never wish her ill (like, the wife finding out), but make sure she knows your stance on the entire situation. Even if a guy hurts her feelings, be honest and express why he played her. (Answer: She’s a hoe.) It’s only fair to let her rock, but make sure you speak up on everything.

3. Be a real friend.
Seriously, she could change. Your friend could really see how you carry yourself and decide to cast away her messy ways. Is it cool to smile in her face, then subtweet her on Twitter pretending like y’all didn’t plan a vacay? No. Treat her like you would your other homegirls. Give advice, show support and uplift. Again, refer back to rules #1 and #2 if you’re struggling with this.

Chile, Please: 8 Signs YOU’RE Not a “Grown A** Woman”

1) You’re Still Trying to Fight Folks

Who doesn’t go somewhere from time to time, have a run in with an immature chick and want to backhand them for talking and looking at you crazy? Been there, but I haven’t done that. Just because someone tests your nerves or is feeling froggy doesn’t mean you have to always be ready to jump. And don’t try and bring your girls into the messy mix when things go bad, because your drama, especially the kind that involves reckless violence, should involve and be handled by you and no one else. However, if someone makes the dumb decision to put their hands on you for no reason…well, a “lady” has to do what she’s got to do. But otherwise, be the bigger person and walk away from foolishness and a black eye that can be avoided.

2) You Keep Going for the SAME Kind of No-Good Dude

It’s crazy how folks don’t want to listen to the people who have their best interests at heart when it comes to no-good men, but they want you to listen to them when they come around crying all the damn time about him. And while you might think it’s cute to go on your Facebook rants about how “You ‘aint worried about him,” and that “I”M DOING ME!” you find yourself back with that fool, or a guy that’s his prototype: he doesn’t treat you right, he’s low-key cheating–he’s pretty much the guy from our NOT a “grown a** man” list. If you keep falling for the same kind of guy or the same kind of foolishness, then you’re no longer falling, but you’re voluntarily walking into a disaster. Do better.

3) Your Temper is on Level 100

So somebody stepped on your foot on accident, or took the seat you wanted on the train. Sucks right? You can be a bit pissy about it, but if you go on psycho mode immediately and have a response that’s filled with rage and foolishness, it’s clear you’re a big ‘ol crybaby having a temper tantrum. Like the woman with a stroller who had a seat taken from her that she wanted and decided to curse and pepper spray said seat-taker (then fought while the stroller rolled OUT of the train) this type of lady gets bent out of shape over the most inconsequential stuff and can end up messing up everybody’s day. Get a grip, some anger management and grow up already. Life’s going to get hard, but there’s no need to have a Mo’Nique in Precious type of response to everything.

4) You Spend Money On Things You Don’t Need and Wonder Why You’re Broke

I know this chick can’t wait to get her income tax return. She’s going to lose her ever-loving mind. The reckless spender buys a new pair of shoes or a bag just because, but puts it on the credit card that’s almost at it’s max while making minimum payments every month. We all want to ball until we fall, but not everyone has it like that. Start jazzing up what’s in your closet and doing your own personal maintenance and stop looking for an excuse to buy a new dress, the most expensive hair, to get your nails done every other week and to cop knockoff designer bags from the dude ripping you off on Canal Street. Treat yourself occasionally dear, not daily.

5) You Drop Your Kids Off With Other People Regularly

I think I’ve noted this in a story or two before, but it never hurts to break it down further. While there are a great deal of women out there who skip the clubs and all the big fun to stay in and be with their kiddies, there are too many people who don’t. Just because you had a child doesn’t automatically make you grown, especially when your mother, your sister, your aunt and everyone but you is seeing them, feeding them and more. And please don’t be one of those women that passes your child to other people on the regular so you can go everywhere but to work, but because you’re not getting along with the child’s father, he’s the one person not allowed to see the kid. That’s not cool and that’s not grown up behavior.

6) You’re Still Getting Caught Up in the Group or Mob Mentality

If you’re out of college by now and still can’t seem to think for yourself, you’re not a grown a** woman. You can’t be. Not with that crew of obnoxiously loud chicks on the train cackling about the guy you dissed yesterday in surround sound. This also goes for the gal that gets with her friends and talks dirty about people she doesn’t know because that’s what her girlfriends are doing: “Girl, look at her hair!” If you were still in high school trying to get to third period before the bell sounded it might be understandable, but you’re too grown to be disrupting peace and quiet and then saying, “Girl, I don’t care!” Mature. Real mature.

7) You Deal With Things in a Passive Aggressive Manner

It’s okay to be mad about something and to let your feelings be known in a calm manner. By all means girl, go ahead. But the problem is when you express your feelings about something that happened so long ago, you can barely remember the details–and neither can the person you’re peeved at. You got beef? It’s always the best idea to let someone know immediately that they hurt your feelings or did you wrong. Wait too long to open your mouth about it and you come off petty, and sadly, you probably won’t get any sympathy for that ish that happened like five years ago.

8) Your Focus When It Comes to Dating Is Based Around What Someone Else Has

If someone asks this chick what she’s looking for in a man, money seems to be the root of all her answers. He needs to have this, she needs to be well taken care of of, blah, blah, blah. Money is great, but if you’re quick to diss or won’t date a guy who can’t take baths in money because he had to pay bills and is trying to make it just like you, then that’s a mess. You should want a man who is financially stable or at least on his way to being that way, but does he really have to be rolling in cash for you to give a guy the time of day? We are all entitled to our preferences, but if a man’s shoes send the “broke” signal to your brain and you diss him immediately–that’s not fair. Get your own money, honey!

You’re dating someone and things between you become a lot more personal and soon enough someone wants to know what’s the status of your relationship. In the old days a man would ask a woman, “will you be my lady?”.  How does it work now days?  Does anyone ask the question or do you drift on and assume where your relationship stands?